Narcissists Dont Care About Your Feelings | Do Narcissists Feel Remorse? (2023)

Introduction

If you have interacted with a narcissist in any capacity, then you have likely seen, or even been the recipient of, how mean they can be. They are brutal in their words and know exactly what to target to bring out your insecurities. They point out how wrong you are, how you can’t do anything right, how their wrongdoings are your fault, and name call. The narcissist can blame shift and make everything about you while attacking who you are as a person. The narcissist does this all with ease, and as if they have been waiting at the ready to attack you. After the narcissist attack, you are confused, hurt, and maybe even angry. Do narcissists feel remorse after they enact their narcissistic punishment tactics and narcissist rage?
Let’s discuss what remorse is before we talk about whether a narcissist can experience remorse. Remorse is a feeling of guilt that arises from being sorry about a wrong you committed. When someone behaves in a way that they don’t like, they feel remorse for their actions and as a way to remedy this feeling of remorse, they must admit their mistake and take responsibility for their actions. In order for someone to experience remorse, they must recognize they committed a wrong and then have guilt associated with that wrongdoing. If you purposefully hit someone because you are angry that they attacked your child, you likely wouldn’t feel guilt for your actions so you then wouldn’t feel remorse. You might regret what you did because you don’t want to get in trouble, but you wouldn’t feel guilty because you thought the person deserved it.
The narcissist lives in a world of always thinking people deserve the punishments they get. No matter how little the slight they experience may be, the narcissist must punish to protect against narcissistic injury. The narcissist is inward focused and always protecting against their own feelings of shame that can lead to narcissistic injury. They lack empathy and cannot look outward and understand how someone else might be feeling.
As a result, the narcissist can’t experience remorse. Remorse requires the ability to understand how your actions affected someone else and to then take responsibility for your actions. The narcissist blame shifts, and nothing is ever about them and what they could have done wrong. If someone says they are upset in response to the narcissist’s actions, they can masterfully make it about the other person and how the narcissist is hurt because the other person didn’t do what the narcissist had asked. If they would have been a better partner, child, or friend then they wouldn’t have been hurt. The narcissist can effectively remove themselves from the blame and attribute the other person’s negative emotions to how they didn’t live up to the narcissist’s ideal.
The narcissist lives in a fantasy world they have created. They have carefully crafted this false narrative to constantly be on the defensive to protect against narcissistic injury. If they are presented with information that goes against their narrative, they don’t try to integrate that information to assist both people involved. Instead, they work to ensure they are seen as the person wronged and not the person doing the wrong. This means the narcissist never even allows for the opportunity to experience remorse because they don’t have the basic building blocks to experience remorse, which is recognizing they could have done wrong, felt guilt for what they did, and believe they could have played a role in the experienced wrong doing.
The narcissist will never feel remorse and to expect them to just leads to further narcissistic rage within in them and pushing them further away from a place of understanding and concern.

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Content

Welcome back to the mental health minute, I'm dr emily mayfield a licensed psychologist.

Thank you for watching this video on being a part of the mindset therapy family.

If you have interacted with a narcissist in any capacity, then you have likely seen or even been the recipient of how mean they can be.

They are brutal in their words and know exactly what to target, to bring out your insecurities.

They point out how wrong you are, how you can't do anything right how their wrongdoings are your fault and name call the narcissist can blame shift and make everything about you, while attacking who you are as a person the narcissist does this all with ease and as if they have been waiting at the ready to attack you after the narcissist attack, you are confused, hurt and maybe even angry do narcissists feel remorse after they enact their narcissistic punishment, tactics and narcissistic rage, but first before we discuss that further.

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Let's discuss what remorse is before we talk about whether a narcissist can experience remorse remorse is a feeling of guilt that arises from being sorry about a wrong you committed when someone behaves in a way that they don't like, they feel remorse for their actions and as a way to remedy to remedy this feeling of remorse.

They must admit their mistake and take responsibility for their actions.

In order for someone to experience remorse, they must recognize they committed a wrong and then have guilt associated with that wrongdoing.

If you purposefully hit someone, because you are angry that they attacked your child, you likely wouldn't feel guilt for your actions.

So then you wouldn't feel remorse.

You might regret that what you did, because you don't want to get in trouble, but you wouldn't feel guilty because you thought the person deserved it.

The narcissist lives in a world of always thinking.

People deserve the punishments that they get, no matter how little the slight they experience may be.

The narcissist must punish to protect against narcissistic injury.

The narcissist is inward focused and always protecting against their own feelings of shame that can lead to narcissistic injury.

They lack empathy and cannot look outward and understand how someone else might be feeling.

As a result, the narcissist can't experience remorse remorse requires the ability to understand how your actions affected someone else and to then take responsibility for your actions.

The narcissists blame shifts and nothing is ever about them and what they could have done wrong.

If someone says they are upset in response to the narcissist's actions, they can masterfully make it about the other person and how the narcissist is hurt, because the other person didn't do what the narcissist had asked.

If they would have been a better partner, child or friend, then they wouldn't have been hurt.

The narcissist can effectively remove themselves from the blame and attribute the other person's negative emotions to how they didn't live up to the narcissist's ideal.

The narcissist lives in a fantasy world that they have created.

They have carefully cracked, this false narrative to constantly be on the defensive, to protect against narcissistic injury.

If they are presented with information that goes against their narrative, they don't try to integrate that information to assist both people involved.

Instead, they work to ensure that they are seen as a person wronged and not the person doing the wrong.

This means a narcissist, never even allows for the opportunity to experience remorse because they don't have the basic building blocks to experience remorse, which is recognizing they could have been wrong, felt, get for what they did and believe they could have played a role in the experienced wrongdoing.

The narcissists will never feel remorse and to expect them to just leads to further narcissistic rage within them and pushing them further away from a place of understanding and concern comment below if you think a narcissist can experience remorse.

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FAQs

Narcissists Dont Care About Your Feelings | Do Narcissists Feel Remorse? ›

Their lack of empathy often problematizes the other person. If a narcissist realizes they've hurt someone: They might feel remorseful. They might hide this from you so as to not appear weak.

Do narcissists feel regret or remorse? ›

It's commonly known that, like people with antisocial personality disorder (also known as sociopathy), narcissistic people aren't able to feel remorse when they hurt someone. But this isn't necessarily true all the time. Some narcissists may be able to feel bad about something they've done to hurt someone else.

Why narcissists don t feel remorse? ›

Narcissists do not feel guilty about abusing their loved ones because they convince themselves that whatever they do is justified. Narcissistic defenses are designed to distort reality and protect narcissists from seeing their flaws and mistakes.

Do some narcissists feel remorse? ›

Can a Narcissist Feel Regret or Remorse? Yes, a narcissist can indeed come to regret his actions. However this would not be because he is experiencing real remorse for hurting someone else, but rather because he does not like the consequences that follow.

What happens when a narcissist realizes you don't care? ›

If you ignore a narcissist and deny them their source, they may become enraged and try even harder for your attention – especially in ways that can be toxic or abusive. Ignoring a narcissist will enrage them because of their fragile egos. They'll feel humiliated and lash out against you to protect themselves.

Do narcissists ever realize their mistake? ›

When narcissists face the same situation, however, their refrain is, “No one could have seen this coming!” In refusing to acknowledge that they have made a mistake, narcissists fail to learn from those mistakes, a recent study from Oregon State University – Cascades found.

Does a narcissist ever feel shame? ›

Narcissists carry a LOT of shame. From mistakes made in the past, fear of not being enough, to fear of criticism in the present and future. For many narcissists their lives are rather shame-based but, they will never admit it.

Why are narcissists so heartless? ›

Narcissists lack a positive, emotional connection to themselves, making it difficult for them to emotionally connect with others. Their undeveloped self and deficient inner resources require them to be dependent on others for validation. Rather than confidence, they actually fear that they're undesirable.

When a narcissist realizes they lost you? ›

They Will Try to Victimize Themselves

A tactic that narcissists will often use once they realize that they've lost control over you is self-victimization.

Do narcissists disregard your feelings? ›

One of the telltale signs of narcissistic abuse is feeling invalidated in your relationship. Upon expressing your feelings, the narcissist responds with a shocking lack of empathy. He or she mocks, dismisses, or ignores your values, concerns, and emotions.

Are narcissists sad that they are narcissists? ›

Narcissists can feel emotional pain, but not usually in the same way as others. The emotional pain they may feel is usually related to underlying selfish needs. Underneath the displays of superiority and sense of entitlement, they often feel empty, powerless, and shameful, which they perceive as weakness.

Will a narcissist ever realize what they are? ›

Of course, it's also possible that narcissists are fully aware of the meaning of narcissism and the negative impact they have on others, but just don't care as long as it doesn't get in the way of their goals.

What is the sad side of narcissism? ›

When we look deep into a narcissists life, it's quite depressing. They are victims of their false self and are in a constant battle with themselves to keep that false mask on. They are well aware of their flaws, low self-esteem, fragile egos and inferiority complex.

Does it bother a narcissist when you don't care? ›

Narcissists don't react well to being ignored and often try to punish the person ignoring them. Ignoring a narcissist may result in them trying to get your attention through various means, including apologizing and begging for forgiveness or smearing you to others.

When a narcissist realizes you refuse to be controlled? ›

When a narcissist realizes your refusal to be controlled, they panic because their demands are no longer met. They'll become coercive, manipulative and potentially aggressive. On the other hand, they might become superficially charming to lure you back in before they start controlling you again.

Does a narcissist ever feel hurt? ›

Despite this, a narcissist's own feelings can be hurt very easily. Because of their high sensitivity, any small thing their partner does can be seen as an attack, and any situation where they are not their partner's focus is very difficult for them.

Do narcissists regret the one that got away? ›

Yes they always do. The ones that got away never became reality and that allows the narcissist to indulge in unsullied fantasies of what could have been.

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