I was diagnosed with a terminal illness a few months ago. It’s not a matter of if, but when, and the best estimate is that I have in the neighborhood of 1-2 years. I’m dealing with it. I’ve had a good life and no regrets. Part of dealing with it is getting my affairs in order before I leave the stage.
My sister has two children (13f & 5m). The 13 yo is from her previous relationship, the 5 yo from her current husband. My niece’s father skipped out on them and my sister had a rough time of it, so I helped them out early on. Her husband is well off so they’re set now, but it’s become very obvious to me over the years that he wishes my niece weren’t in their lives.
They don’t exactly neglect her, but she’s left out of a lot, and it’s very obvious even to our parents that my nephew is heavily favored. I’ve talked to my sister about it at various points, but she’s in denial, and I don’t think would ever have the courage to stand up to her husband. I’ve tried to make it up to my niece in quiet ways, but I know it still hurts and I worry about her.
I made some very fortunate business moves early on and I’m now sitting on a large chunk of change and a retirement fund that I will not live to use. My sister has made no plans for my niece’s college or anything else, but the girl is incredibly smart and hardworking in school and she deserves a chance to make the most of herself.
AITA for leaving my niece an inheritance but not my nephew?
AITA for refusing to give my stepdaughter her Christmas present from her grandparents if my son doesn't receive one as well?
AITA for moving my pregnant younger sister into my house without asking my boyfriends opinion
AITA for making my relative pay for his uninvited guests' dinner?
#AITA #Parenting #Family
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In my the a hall for leaving my knees and inheritance, but not my nephew, I was diagnosed with a terminal illness a few months ago.
It's not a matter of if but when in.
The best estimate is that I have the neighborhood of one to two years.
I'm dealing with it.
I've had a good life and no regrets part of dealing with it is getting my Affairs.
In order before I leave the stage my sister has two children, 13 female and five male.
The 13 year old is from her previous relationship, the five-year-old from her current husband, my niece's father, skipped out on them, and my sister had a rough time of it.
So I helped them out early on her husband is well off.
So there's that now.
But it's become very obvious to me over the years that he wishes.
My niece went to their lives.
They don't exactly neglect her, but she's left out of a lot, and it's very obvious even to our parents, that my nephew is heavily favored.
I've talked to my sister about it at various points, but she's in denial and I.
Don't think we'd ever have the courage to stand up to her husband, I've tried to make it up to my knees in quiet ways, but I know it still hurts and I worry about her.
It made some very fortunate business moves early on and I'm now sitting on a large chunk of change in a retirement fund that I will not live to use.
My sister has made no plans for my niece's college or anything else, but the girl is incredibly smart and hardworking in school and she deserves a chance to make the most of herself it's my intention to have everything put in trust for her after my death managed by my executor, until it's just 25, so that her parents can't touch it, she can have money for school and some time to mature before being fully in control.
My nephew already has a trust fund from his father, so he doesn't need the money.
Ironically, this would put her in a better financial position than the rest of the family, but I think that's just as at this point, considering how much she's put up with and missed out on, I sat down with my parents and sister to lay out my plans and end-of-life wishes in my sisters.
Deeply offended that I'm excluding her and my nephew.
She thinks I should leave the money to her to split between them or set up equal trust for the kids, my father loth's brother-in-law and said he agrees with me, not letting him or my sister near to trust, but I could leave my nephew something to save FaZe.
My mother is too distraught to have an opinion right now.
Brother-In-Law made a joke later about contesting the will, and my sister isn't speaking to me.
I feel, like I, have more responsibility to look after my niece, since no one else is while her brother will be okay, I love my nephew too, and don't want him to feel bad.
When he's older, I've planned to leave him, some non-monetary items am I the a-hole.
Now for the top comments.
Before reading the update not stay home, but I would see a lawyer I've heard too many times where people mentioned, leaving the other person in nominal amounts of five thousand dollars so that they can't contest the will granted.
My expertise is coming from Better, Call, Saul and a few other shows, but I'd still check the law is governing is inheriting someone very.
It could be.
You have to explicitly name them and stay too hard, disinheriting them or you have to give a token amount to demonstrate.
They weren't accidentally forgotten same thing with introducing a do not contest.
Clause op needs to check with her lawyer and be careful with a will if they want the money to go to Denise, as desired.
Puppy actually needs to check with a lawyer at hundred percent, but in general disinheriting.
Somebody means like your spouse or child, not nehal at all, but agree with your father, maybe leaving a token something.
So your nephew isn't left feeling the way your niece does, that didn't value him at all, but agree that the majority is left your knees to ensure she gets the same leg up as her nephew and make sure that you have it locked around that there can be no contest and they should think long and hard about it if they want any sort of relationship with her daughter, but also leave a letter for your nephew, explaining your rationale that he can read as an adult.
It's your money and you leave how you see fit I've planned to leave him some items for my grandfather, as well as some of my collections, which do have value but I think you'd enjoy having the actual items more, since he always wants to see them when he comes over.
Her I would go ahead and create your niece's trust with you as trustee and name a successor into creating documents.
While you are alive, it moved most of your assets to it, then just leave a small estate in case brother-in-law's.
Joke is not really a joke, talk to a lawyer to confirm and create it soundly, but that will likely help.
Assure your wishes are followed.
Brother-In-Law made a joke later about contesting the will I would flip out.
If anyone did that to me, it's even worse, if I had an estimated once two years left now for the updates.
First, thank you for the kind condolences it's never an easy thing to face, but there are worse things that can happen and have already been more fortunate than most, as everyone has adjusted.
I do have a good lawyer and financial planner working on those, as well as a trusted friend in estate planning.
Who will be my executor so that this remains as far outside of family Politics as possible.
I do like the idea, as someone suggested, if leaving enough for University tuition lockdown for my nephew just in case his father is being dishonest about the trust.
So I will discuss that with the professionals I'm, also leaving him some items of actual value which I suppose he could sell.
If it shows that being said, he has a large family on his father's side to help him, whereas my niece has only me and my parents locally, our other family lives abroad and would not be in a position to help, but who also like the idea of making recordings and letters for them to explain the situation.
Some here were worried about brother-in-law, treating my niece badly in the next few years because of the trust and that's something I've been concerned about myself.
My niece would prefer to live with her grandparents and they would be happy to have her, but my sister has been an obstacle to that because of appearances, I've compiled evidence of emotional neglect over the years along with brother-in-law's Shady behavior in general, it have discussed suing for custody with my parents.
In the event the situation worsens, I will work in some emergency funds for legal costs and such in the event that happens or to allow my niece to emancipate at 16.
If she chooses that error, 2 Gap might be difficult for her, but I think if it's clear that there are a lot of eyes on the situation and people in her Corner brother-in-law won't escalate too much as it would draw unwanted attention to his other activities before I was diagnosed.
I had floated a deal with my sister of pain to send her to a good boarding school, so she could get a better quality education and maybe feel a little more comfortable away from home that was received favorably at a time.
So that may also be an option if my sister is still open to it.
My parents, at I do plan to sit down with my knees soon and discuss this with her make sure she's introduced to my executor and lawyer.
So she knows who she can reach out to if she needs help or advice and prepare her for.
What's coming, I had planned a trip for all of us sister and nephew included back to my parents, home country, for a lunar new year, so I'm hoping that I'm still healthy enough by then to go home and that some of this can be worked out, while my sister is away from brother-in-law's influence.
Next story am I the a-hole for refusing to give my stepdaughter her Christmas present from her grandparents.
If my son doesn't receive one as well, I-31 female have been married to Dan 39 male for seven years and have necked together for male Dan.
Has a daughter, Mel 11 female, whose mother passed away during childbirth, who Mets when Mel was one Mel's, grandparents, Tim and Kim maternal used to not be a part of our Lives.
They never supported my relationship with Dan they told Mel I was trying to replace her that I didn't love her and other comments.
Dan decided to go no contact as he didn't like how they treated us in front of Mal, but how Mal began replicating that behavior last Christmas we all reconciled due to world events occurring during this time.
Tim and Kim.
Only brought presents for Mal and Dan me and my parents were also present and we both bought presents for them, but it wasn't reciprocated.
Nick noticed that his sister and dad got a present, but he didn't I didn't like the behavior in you, as he got older, it'll become more apparent and I don't want him experiencing that me and Dan sat down with him to explain how he felt, but they just acted.
Christ I suggested we lay down boundaries at how we'd like to approach any gift-giving holidays to be better prepared in the future.
We agreed that for birthdays and Christmas would give gifts to everyone, and it was the thought that counted throughout this year.
Tim and Kim only bought gifts for Dan and Mel's birthday.
My birthday was in March and Nick was born in April, but we didn't receive anything.
Not even a card sends a text asking if everything was all right, but they said they were busy and wished us a happy birthday for Kim's birthday, my parents, let them stay in their second home, so they could go on vacation.
They took my parents up on that offer yeah it's.
When my parents, birthdays came up, they didn't receive a gift or a text.
At this stage, we were all pretty frustrated and my parents felt like they were taken advantage of as Tim and Kim were only nice to them until after their holiday.
Last week, Tim and Kim came to drop off presents for the kids as they had been exposed and wanted presents with us.
In case they couldn't come over her.
They dropped off two boxes.
Both labeled men attacks that assuming that they'd accidentally written Mel's name twice.
It asked which was which, but they told me both were formel I asked where Nick's present was, but they said they weren't giving him one.
No explanation: I was fearing so I told Dan the situation before responding.
We told them that we would not be giving Mel the presents from them unless Nick got one as it wasn't fair and would already agreed to give everyone gifts, the claim that wasn't fair and we were showing favoritism and how can we withhold a gift from an innocent child? It then said that at re-wrapids and claim it was from Santa they posted on Facebook about how I was favoring my child and punishing their grandchild for no reason- and this was met with criticism directed towards me- you're, the a-hole for this instance Nick isn't related to them at all.
These are Mal's maternal grandparents, her mother died on childbirth and you are now trying to cut her off from the rest of her mother's family because you want them to pay the toll of buying presents for you, your son and your parents.
That's unreasonable when their only family in your household is Mel.
The comments about replacement, slash Etc were not acceptable, but you did not mention those as having continued or be the assure right now.
Your issue is them not buying your entire family presents as long as they are now cordial with you.
That's really all they can ask for it's so weird how hard you guys keep trying to force these folks to care about a kid they're not related to your son, has grandparents and parents and doesn't need Tim and Kim.
Mal has her dad in them.
I, don't know what kind of mom you are and would never assume you aren't a great one to her, but at the end of the day, her dad and them are her only biological family.
Why would they want to buy a kid that isn't their family presence? Let them have their thing with Mel and if it's with Mel only and you don't like that, don't contact them more than you have to I, don't mean to be rude and I apologize.
If this upsets you just my take next story is titled imadier hall for moving my pregnant's younger sister into my house.
Without asking my boyfriend's opinion, my 29 female boyfriend, 31 male and I, have been together for five years, but he does not live with me full time.
We have a Sammy, long distance relationship.
We live about 300 miles away from each other, I own, my house, in my town, and he owns his flat in the city.
He primarily lives in.
We each pay our own bills, but chip in for food.
When we are at the others place, we try and see each other for a long weekend.
Every second weekend, alternating whose home we go to my younger half-sister 18 female, while call Lily recently found out she was pregnant.
She told her boyfriend that his response was to break up with her and block her on all social media and her number I'm, not sure if it was him or someone in his family that reached out to our mom and told her Lily was pregnant.
Mom has a very short fuse, especially when she has been drinking Lily turned up on my doorstep at nearly 4 am in her pajamas crying her eyes out.
Mom had apparently stormed into her room and she was sleeping.
Mom was yelling screaming and very drunk she smashed Lily's phone and iPad Lily managed to grab her shoes and get out of the house walking to four miles to my house.
I lived closer than our other siblings.
At a time, I sat my boyfriend, a text saying stuff has gone down.
Lily's at mine when he woke up I got a response.
Saying: okay, talk later in the morning, I rang my younger brother, and we both went over to Mom's house.
She was unconscious.
Breathing I checked on a sofa in two hours we packed Lily's stuff into our cars and took it back to mine all the siblings.
Five of us talked and decided that for now, Lily will stay with me, she's still in school, so can't afford to live on her own.
Our younger half-brother 21 male, who is at University, will stay with our oldest brother when he comes back for the holidays rather than moms.
That evening, after boyfriend had finished work, we talked about the situation.
He knows how volatile my mom is, but he is not happy that I didn't talk to him before deciding to let Lily move in he's now saying that he isn't coming to mine over Christmas.
He was meant to come down today and stay over Christmas at New Year.
His family lives near me, so he would see his family not just me.
He has decided that he's staying with his mother, as he doesn't feel welcome at mine anymore I've had a call from his mother asking what happened and she said.
I was disrespectful to my boyfriend and she expected better of me- am I the a-hole for not talking to my boyfriend before deciding to let my pregnant younger half-sister move in with me now for the comments not stay home, you do not live together her that would have hoped he would be compassionate enough to understand your sister needs help and that this will likely not be a permanent situation.
Visiting family but not visiting.
You is childish.
Behavior I take these few days to really think about how his behavior makes you feel good for you for taking care of your sister and removing her and her child from a potentially dangerous situation.
Not, today home, it's your house and you two don't even really live together.
If I got a text from someone saying I expect better I'd probably go Haywire until she said that I didn't, think I had done anything wrong.
You didn't do anything wrong time to dump him and get a better boyfriend.
Who would be supportive of you now for the last story am I the a-hole for making my relative pay for his uninvited guests dinner.
Recently, graduated from college and to celebrate this accomplishment, my family and I chipped in to have a buffet for my immediate family and some extended relatives and my godmother also a distant relative on a very nice restaurant.
It's not exactly cheap, so everything is accounted for her and we informed them that those who are invited are the only ones who can eat on the day of the celebration.
To our surprise, my godmother brought in three co-workers of hers.
They are total strangers to me.
My dad said he would just pay for the surprise guests, but I put my foot down on it and pulled my godmother aside and told her.
She would have to pay for the guests she brought, because we only have the budget for the people we originally invited.
She told me to consider it and that this is a celebration now I need to be cheap about it.
I firmly told her no and that she would either have to leave or pay for them.
She replied: okay, fine after the three hours Buffet, when it is time for billing.
I specifically told a waiter to only count the original number of guests we reserved and at 3 three extras will be on a separate payment.
My godmother was Furious that wouldn't relent to pay for her co-workers.
She started ranting about it, but my dad told me and my mom to go home and he will deal with my godmother after that incident.
My phone was blown with text.
From my godmother told me, I embarrassed her in front of her co-workers turns out.
Her co-workers ended up paying for themselves, even if my dad offered to pay for them.
He guessed that the co-workers of hers didn't want to make the situation become more awkward and it isn't a big deal for them.
But my godmother was Furious and told me that paying for a friend's dinner is nothing compared to the gifts she gave me since I was a little baby, am I the a-hole for doing this, not stay home, who the heck brings strangers to a relative celebration.
Your godmother was beyond tacky for thinking this was okay tacky times.
Ten I would never invite her to another gathering ever again after working in hospitality and hosting events.
This is my ultimate pet peeve, but this woman invited three extra and invited people and demanded that host pay for them.
In essence, she wanted a guest of honor to be out of pocket for three randos.
She embarrassed herself and I hope her co-workers told her off for putting everyone them included in its hacky Tango I.
Don't argue, I speak.
My peace than ghost herense would have been insane because she would be blocked until she simmered down apologizes and proves she can manage to not act like a Nay home.